I found the post on how sex positivity can be rape culture really though provoking and incredible important. I have a really hard time reading the whole thing though- as a disabled woman who is unable to have sex, sex positivity has been incredibly validating and an important part of accepting me for anything that is deviant or wanting to be sexual or not wanting to be sexual. I feel like I don't see that reflected- maybe it doesn't need to be but it still makes me feel weird and not represented
Asked by Anonymous
(same person cont’d) I feel like there’s a lot of black/white thinking going on- it is really hard to read because I can’t help but think that empowerment looks different for many people. Being disabled and unable to have sex, a lot of people point at folks like me as a reason that sex + feminism is bad or exclusive or doesn’t include everyone, but no one else is including me. No one else has asked me about my experience (cont’d)
(cont’d). I also feel like sex + feminism can do a LOT to be more inter-sectional and fix a lot of shit- even though sex + feminists are generally the ones who supported + validated me, I still feel lonely in my experiences. Still, in it’s essence, it says sex is okay and that means it’s okay to take it or leave it or have feelings w/it or a complex relationship. No where else is telling me that. I’m not sure what the end point is, so I’ll just finish here.
Hi anon, thanks for your ask.
Before getting into it, I just want to clarify that I didn’t write the post. I barely use Tumblr these days, which is why it’s taken me this long to respond to your ask,so I’m sorry for leaving you hanging.
The original Sex Positivity is Rape Culture in Disguise post was made over 2 years ago, and I reblogged the text and commentary in total from my friend clownyprincess. None of the words are mine. The original post was by thenameoftheworms. But the post has somehow been linked by a bunch of people and reblogged all over the place in the past 2 years so as to somehow obscure these facts.
And while I have to say that reblogging/linking isn’t endorsement, I do agree with both the post and the commentary, as well as have issues with how it casts sex positivity.
So I’m not sure what you expect from me, not being the original writer.
I have sympathy for your position and agree that the post is maybe not the most representative of all sex positive feminism. At the same time though, I think you’re maybe projecting your own concerns onto it. Nowhere does the post say that sex is not okay, or that it’s not okay to have a complex relationship with sex. The post is criticising variants of sex positivity that emphasise sex as normal, healthy, desirable and expected and not those that have a more nuanced approach. In doing that, it casts all sex positivity in the same light, which I don’t think is helpful at all. Also, as you’ve said, it erases experiences like yours by talking only about people who have an ambivalent relationship with sex as if the main barrier to their experiences being validated is sex positive ideas. But the post is talking about *some* people’s experiences, which also need to be supported.
Also, universally, I think the sexuality of women with disability needs to be better addressed by feminism.